It is
said God cannot be everywhere so He created Mother. How true it is!!
She was never the type of mother that
we visualize today- always having an eye on every move of the child. She was
not educated enough to take care of my homework while I was in school. She was
not sophisticated enough to project a good image of our family in the society
around her. She was not a very good chef either. She did not have any of the
qualities a modern day mom is supposed to have. But still she loved me so much
that I often felt breathless. An uneducated rustic village woman having
unconditional blind love for her male offspring (Yes, it is true. She always
neglected her female child) – that’s how I would describe my Maa.
My father and mother were poles apart.
I still fail to understand if marriages are really made in heaven how God
ventured to unite these two opposite poles. Since my infancy I have watched my
parents fighting on trivial issues. My father was educated and served in the
town and valued education the most. We were four in all –three brothers and one
sister. My mother loved to be in the village and had no regard for education.
She wanted all of us to work hard and carry forward the ancestral family name.
Whereas my father wished all of us be educated and lead better lives away from
the village. This was probably the major reason of the continual conflict
between our parents. Needless to say finally my father’s ruling over ruled and
we all children got the best of education and moved out of the village to
settle down in life.
This post is intended for Mother’s Day
and I should focus more on my mother. As already mentioned, my mother had a
special place in her heart for the male children. I was the eldest followed by
our only sister and two brothers. My mother loved me the most followed by my
other two brothers. I often felt she had no love for my only sister. She would
make my sister help her in household chores since she was hardly four years
old. By the time she attained the age of ten my sister was able to cook for the
entire family. My mother would never allow her to study at home after school
hours. She would never give her a good meal. Special items would be preserved
for the sons and only the left out items would be given to the girl child. In
other words my mother was an epitome of discrimination towards the girl child,
her own daughter. As I grew up I resented this behavior of my mother and openly
complained against her discriminating attitude. And as time elapsed I started
disliking my mother for the ill treatment she meted out towards my sister.
Although she continued to have intense blind love towards me I gradually got detached
from her and joined hands with my father to ensure that my sister also received
equivalent education as we, the brothers got. I am not sure what my younger
brothers felt at that time (Or are feeling now) about this discriminating
attitude of our mother. But I certainly felt rebellious and started getting
away from Maa. As I grew up I developed a sense of loathing towards my mother
and the emotional yawning gap between us widened. And as on today I have not
been able to reduce that gap and although I have enough love and respect for my
mother I find it really difficult to express the same before her.
My mother has not changed at all over
last five decades. She continues to be her old self and continues to judge
girls as lesser human beings compared to boys. I do not expect her to change at
her ripe age now. But I do love my mother as she is. And I know even today she
will fight against the entire world to protect me. She can sacrifice her life
to see her sons happy. The only vice for which I dislike her is that she does
not have similar feelings for her own daughter. She is probably a living
example of a woman being the greatest enemy of her own species.
I do not know what prompted me to write
this post today. Probably I got a chance to vent out my feelings preserved in
my heart over decades. But my Maa I have nothing against you. I love you and I
am sorry if I have hurt you by speaking my heart out. I am sure you will
forgive me for this audacity.
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